Billy Thomas Broxup

6 years since you were taken away from us, and not a day goes by when we dont think of you and wish you were here with us where you belong. We all love you more than words can ever say Billy, RIP our beautiful brave soldier. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Perhaps they are not just Stars in the sky, but mereley openings where our loved ones shine through

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Billy was born August 25 1997, a beautiful baby boy, just what my older sister Claire had always dreamed off. He really was the gem of all our lives, and we all adored this robust, fear free, little boy.

Billy was always into something, you could not take your eyes off him for a second, if you did, he’d be gone! He was able to crawl at 8mths, he then quickly progressed and could walk unaided by the time he was 10mths old. As time went on, Billy grew into a beautiful but typical toddler, always getting himself into trouble. Climbing over fences, gates, playing in the mud, we often used to wonder where he got his energy as it seemed to come from no-where. But then, every so often, Billy would have one of his ‘quiet days’ where he would just chill out on the couch for most of the day watching ‘Tom & Jerry’ & ‘Bugs Life’, but these days were so few and far between that we never really thought anything of them.

We carried on, life as usual, doing all the things you do with kids during the summer. Then we found out that Claire was pregnant! Brilliant news, Amy-Jo and Billy were both looking forward to the new arrival. The month of May came along, and so did my next beautiful niece, Lucy Victoria. Billy worshiped his baby sister from day one.

During Claires pregnancy, and just after Lucy was born, Billy and I spent so much time together and became very close. Even though he was such a handful, I adored his company, and we went everywhere together (this also helped to give my sister a break!).

Then in March 2001, Billy got a very severe infection in his eye, the only way I can think of to describe it is that it looked like someone had squashed a tennis ball under his eye lid. We rushed him to hospital, but no-one seemed to know what had caused this, we were all clueless? They kept Billy in on intravenous antibiotics for 9 days, and gradually his eye went down and it was finally diagnosed as Silulitus. We found out later that year Billys blood counts had been taken and nothing untoward was found.

Billy had been at nursery now for a while and loved going! He had lots of friends there, loved playing with all the toys, the games and singing songs. During July 2001, the Nursery mentioned to my Sister her concern for Billy, that he seemed to be more tired than usual. A few people commented on his skin colour too, but because it was summer, we just dismissed this as his ruddy suntan.

Then Billy started to complain of his arms and legs hurting and suffered with nosebleeds. Again this was dismissed, nosebleeds were common in the family, and we presumed the aching limbs were growing pains, as they never seemed to last long.

My sister noticed that he was drinking far to much through the night, little did we know he was dehydrated. It all came to ahead one day when Billy didn’t want to get out of bed. One of his arms was hanging loosely down by his side. Her first course of action was to ring the NHS Direct Line, who suggested that he may have been swung round too hard while playing out in the garden. However, the next day Billy was no better so he was taken up to the A&E Department at Bradford Royal Infirmary.

Billy was seen by a doctor, and my sister pointed out a small dotted, purple rash that was on the top of his ear, this was dismissed as nothing to worry about. Billy was then sent for an x-ray and an ultra-sound, he was also given ibuprofen to ease the obvious pain he was in. Nothing was found, and we were sent home with some painkillers and Billys arm in a sling.

Nothing seemed to improve during that week, Billy was very lethargic, and not his usual active self. We then had a routine follow up appointment the next week. On the morning of the appointment, the purple rash and bruises were on both arms. My sister thought this was strange as Billy had not been active at all that week, but was not too concerned about them. The bruises and rash were shown to the doctor and he asked if there was any blood disorders in the family, which there wasn’t. Billy was then sent to paediatrics, for more blood tests. It was a very strange time, as none of us were overly worried and the last thing on our minds was cancer.

At the time my sister remembers thinking that all of this was caused from low iron, and that maybe he would need iron injections. We still had no idea at all, if only it had been that simple.

Then on that evening, the 7th September 2001, we were told the devastating news that Billy had leukaemia.

My family and I will never forget that night.

Everything happened so quickly, one minute we were sat at the hospital all blissfully unaware, the next second, Billy, my Sister and her partner James, were on there way to Ward 10, St James Hospital in Leeds.

For the next few weeks we were all in shock and just switched on to auto pilot. We couldn’t believe that this was actually happening to us, our family. It was all so unreal. This was something you read about in a magazine or see on television, it doesn’t actually happen to you.

At the hospital, there were many poorly children, it was hard to believe that Billy was so ill and would look like these children. The poor little things had no hair, and tubes that seemed to appear from everywhere. We had entered into another world, a world we had never known about, but we will now never forget.

We were told that there were two different types of cancer, one was easier to treat that the other. We were told that it was very likely that Billy had ALL (acute lymphoid leukaemia) which has a high success rate of remission. After a bone marrow test, again we were dealt a blow. Billy had AML, which reduced his chance of survival to 50%. He would begin intense chemotherapy straight away, and my sister and Billy would not been home for the next 6 weeks.

Claire and James stayed at the hospital with Billy while I became surrogate mum to Amy-Jo and Lucy. We all made endless trips to the hospital, trying to keep life as ‘normal’ as we could, and to think positive. It was hard going, but looking after the kids helped me through that time, as it prevented me from thinking too much.

Very slowly we all began to come to terms with living with cancer. To us there still light at the end of the tunnel, in 6mths months time, the chemo would be finished Billy and Claire could come home and we could all get back to normality.

How nieve we were…..

Over the next couple of months there were many tears, heartache, for all of us, having to witness the pain and suffering our little boy was going through. We all felt so helpless, putting our faith and trust, and Billys life into the hands of the doctors. To be honest I don’t know how my sister kept so strong. Here was her little boy in hospital, fighting for his life, and her other 2 children, Lucy still only a baby, miles away at home.

Finally after numerous operations, injections, indignities and of course the endless bone marrow tests, we had the fantastic news Billy had gone into remission, we were told the cancer had gone!!!!

My mum and I work at the Yorkshire Building Society, and my mums department decided to do some fund raising to try and help the ward that Billy was on. The money that was raised was the doubled by the YBS’s Charitable Foundation, and we were able to purchase 3 electrical beds for the ward.

In March 2002, we all said a fond farewell to the hospital and only day clinic visits would be necessary for the next 5 years. Yippeeeeee!!! Billy and Claire were coming home. It was a wonderful feeling, to have them both close by again.

Billy came on in leaps and bounds, and his hair started to grow back almost immediately. He put on weight, and the cheeky smile, and the sparkle in his eye returned.

Billy was looking forward to the holiday at Primrose Valley in July that year, that had been booked by Candlelighters. It was a well deserved break for them all.

However, our joy was short lived. At the end of April Billy began to suffer aches and pains, especially in his legs and eventually stopped walking. Doctors at the clinic never seemed too concerned about this, and just gave my sister pain killers for him. My sister was not convinced that all was ok. Even in the short months at the hospital, Claire had learnt, and read so much. She knew all the terminology, and most importantly she knew Billy inside and out. They had developed a very deep bond in the hospital and were never apart. She knew deep down within her heart that the cancer was returning.

Middle of May, Claire woke up one morning to find that Billys face had swollen, and took him straight to the clinic. He was examined by doctors and they again didn’t seem concerned, and Billy was sent home with painkillers.

A few weeks later Billys knee swelled up, it was a weekend and Claire rang the Ward direct and they said to bring him in. This time my sister pushed for a bone marrow test, as she was at her wits end with worrying and needed to know. The Doctors went with my sister instincts and Billy was booked in the following Monday. The results came back negative.

We were relieved, but my sister was not convinced that all was well, and knew something wasn’t right, otherwise why would Billy still be suffering so much?

Billy was still unable to walk, and his clinic visit was looming, so my sister became on a mission to finally try and get this sorted. When she got there, she was relieved to see a familiar face. Often at the clinic you would not see the same face twice, as there were so many student doctors coming and going. This doctor knew Billy and knew of his on going leg pains and referred him for a bone scan. When the results came back, these showed that the bones in his legs had been eaten away. The consultant had no explanation for this, but there was a little hope, he said that whatever had happened had began to heal itself.

Middle of June, Billy started to complain of shoulder pain, and this became very severe. Again it was a weekend, so Claire rang the ward direct and asked for advice. The sister could hear Billy’s cries of pain in the background, and said to bring him in immediately.

He was seen by the consultant on call, who referred Billy for an ultrasound. Nothing was found. That Sunday evening he was sent down for an MRI Scan, they found something and my sister was called down to speak to the Bone Consultant. Billy was then diagnosed with osteomilitus.

As Billy was originally a cancer patient, the Oncology Consultant decided to treat him with intravenous antibiotics up on the cancer ward. This was so he could keep an eye on Billy and his blood counts. They also decided to do another bone marrow test, this time they would also take a sample of the bone marrow core. As this test was more in depth, it took a week for the results to come back.

3 days before we were due to go on holiday, my sister was taken into the consultants room to be told that the cancer had returned. Billy’s only chance of survival now was to find a bone marrow donor. The consultant wanted Billy to start treatment immediately, but my sister was desperate to take Billy and his sisters on holiday. They had all been through so much, and she felt that they all needed a break. After speaking with the nurses, the consultant agreed that this was ok, we could still go on holiday!!!! It was a relief that we could go, as there was no way my sister was going to tell Billy that he couldn’t go, especially as he was looking forward to it so much.

Just before the holiday, Billy went for a heart echo and a few other tests. A sample of Amy-Jo’s blood was taken and sent off to be crossed match, we would find out these results in the coming month.

July 27th came, we were going on holiday! The same day, our local paper the Telegraph and Argus came to do a story on Billy and Amy-Jo. We were hoping that this would help to raise awareness and let people know just how important it was to be on the bone marrow register, and also to give blood.

We had a fantastic week at Primrose Valley, it was everything a family holiday should be. To look at Billy, it was hard to believe he was so ill. He looked better than he had for such a long time. It was a brilliant week, the wether couldn't have been nicer, the sun shone for us everyday. We went shopping, to the beach and we even all got to go swimming!! As Billy's hickman line had been taken out, Billy was also able to come swimming with us too, which he enjoyed so much. It's hearbreaking to think that something so simple could give a child so much enjoyment. It's just a shame we couldn't stay there, as we knew that soon we would have to go home......

We came home the following Saturday, and Billys treatment was to begin the next day. My sister had decided to keep the devastating news to herself while we were on holiday, but now we were home, it was time to sit Billy and Amy-Jo down to let them know. Both children took the news calmly, as this had become away of life now. It was heartbreaking how easily Billy accepted he was to go back into hospital to start this all over again.

It all began again, the endless tests, operations, infections, stays in hospital. We had found out that Amy-Jo wasn’t a match , and now had the added worry that Billy would need a match from else where.

This time we could not see any light at the end of the tunnel. Without a match Billy would not survive.

We all felt so helpless, so in August 2002 we decided to do some more fund raising. Initially it was to raise money to buy Billy a special pram. It was so hard for Claire and Billy to get out, even just to the shops, so this new pram would give them a new lease of life and keep Billy safe and warm.

By now many people at the YBS had heard of Billys plight and it was humbling how many people wanted to help. My mums manager Pete’s had his head shaved and his back waxed. We auctioned off a signed England Shirt which a friend had kindly bagged for me! The sponsors for Pete began to pour in, we couldn’t believe it. We raised so much money we were able to purchase things for the ward aswell! We bought 5 TV videos at a discount price from Asda, loads of DVD’s, videos, 3 Playstations and some games. We also bought loads of new toys for the playroom on Ward 10, and over the past 3 years have donated approx L800 to the Sick Childrens Trust.

The YBS often held blood donor sessions at work, so I was on a mission. Emails went out, posters went up of Billy, to try and encourage people to donate. I was over the moon when told we had filled all 145 appointments, this was a record.

I was then contacted through the Media to see if I would like to help out on a Bone Marrow Donor Day. After doing this twice, I decided to organise my own. The donor day was to be held in October, and we went on ITV Calander with Billy to again encourage people to come forward and to come to our or any other drop in clinic.

Amy-Jo’s school had given us the go ahead to hold the clinic there, which was great as it was close by, and next to a main road. It took weeks of hard work and preparation to organise. We had an unbelievable amount of support from family, friends, and people we didn’t even know. The staff at the school and our local doctors also helped out, and I don’t know what I had done without them.

On Sunday 20th October, it was donor day. The clinic was packed out, we had people travelling from miles away to come. Old school friends and people I hadn’t seen for years turned up. On a number of occasions my sister and I were choked that so many people cared. The Telegrapgh & Argus and ITV Calandar also covered the day.

Billy was feeling quite well that day, so Grandad brought him up later that afternoon. Bless him, he was oblivious to it all. He watched while his Daddy and Mummy had their blood taken for the register, which he thought was amusing! All in all the day was a fantastic success and we can never say thank you enough to all the people that helped and supported us, plus Cooks flapjack went down a treat on the day!

The evening, it was back down to earth, another trip to the hospital for Billys chemo to start again.

The following Tuesday we got the news we had all been praying for. They had found a donor. Tears of happiness were shed as we spread the news, this was it, we now had some hope.

My sister was so happy that a donor had been found, but there was still a cloud over her head, as this was only the beginning. Billy would be given aggressive treatment to prepare him for his bone marrow transplant. This meant that we could loose him at anytime during this process, we still had such a long way to go.

Billys transplant was booked in for 20th December 2002. As this was so near Christmas, we decided to bring it forward so we could enjoy it as a family. We were all still so very scared about what was going to happen, but my sister was determined to make it the best Christmas ever for Billy and his sisters.

Billy came home on Friday 25th of October, my sisters birthday. It was nice to have them home for the weekend, and I was taking my sister out on the Saturday to celebrate. Billy loved spending time with his Grandad, so Grandad was always the ‘official’ babysitter.

On that weekend Billy was remarkably well. He was happy and cheery within himself, asking Nana when she was taking him to the Zoo again. It was lovely, it was like we had the old Billy back. Me and my sister went out that night while Billy and Grandad watch ‘Home Alone’ for the 25th time! When we got home Claire checked on Billy, made sure (as always!) that he was ok and covered up, then gave him a kiss good night, and we went to bed.

The next morning we all got up, and when claire checked on Billy he was fast asleep. This was not unusual, as Billy often slept late. Claire checked Billy’s temperature while he was still asleep, just to be sure and all seemed well.

Later that morning, after checking on Billy again, Claire noticed that Billy had been sick and it looked like it may have come from his nose too. Claire was obviously quite worried and checked his temperature again, and once more this was fine. However, from experience, my sister knew all was not well, and suspected low blood pressure. She contacted the ward and told them her suspicions, the Sister said to take him straight in.

Claire washed Billy down, and changed him into fresh pajamas. Billy was so weak and in obvious pain, we couldn’t even get his socks on properly without him crying out. When they arrived at the hospital, Billy was taken straight into the treatment room, and his observations were taken (blood pressure, temperature etc). It was worse than my sister suspected, his blood pressure didn’t even register on the monitor. The nurses tried his blood pressure numerous times, after the 6th attempt it came up, registering as very low. Billy was immediately taken into a side room, and monitored very closely.

The consultant was called and they took steps to try and raise his blood pressure. After this was unsuccessful it was decided that Billy should be transferred to Intensive Care.

This was not new to us, and we were not unduly worried, as he had bounced back out of there before.

Close to midnight that night, Billy was taken down. After a few hours by Billys side, he seemed settled and sleepy, and my sister left him, to go and sleep in the room provided, reassured by the fact that she was very close by and there were 2 nurses sat with him at all times.

About 4am that morning, my sister was woken by the nurse knocking on the door, she explain that Billy had woken up, quite distressed and was calling for her. Claire quickly got dressed and rushed to his side. Billy was in so much pain and was punching his stomach. He said he wanted some medicine so Claire asked for this to see if it would settle him.

The nurses pretty much left Claire and Billy alone, but Claire could see them through the glass and could shout if they were needed. Billy asked to sit on my sisters knee, but because of all the tubes, drips and wires my sister decided that it could be best for him to stay on the bed where he was comfy. Billy started to call for his sisters, and my sister tried to explain that they were at home, while trying to settle him down. Claire kissed Billys head and told him that she loved him, and he replied love you too mummy. It was now 4.30am and Billy took his last breath.

He had fought so long and so hard, but our brave little soldier had taken so much and couldn’t take anymore. I cannot put into words how we all felt about losing Billy and it has been a long hard battle especially for my sister to carry on with life.

Later on that year we were told that there had been 4 possible matches from the drop in clinics. This really was fantastic news, and somehow it seemed to ease the hurt a little. Even though we had suffered such a great loss, in our pain we had managed to help some other person in the world have the chance of life.
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Message from Mummy
My beautiful little Billy. From the moment you were born and I held you in my arms, I knew you were special. A beautiful little bundle with big blue eyes sent to me by god. You grew into a strong, cheery toddler but just after your 4th birthday we were hit by the news that you had a life threatening diease - leukaemia. From that day on our lives changed dramatically, plummeted into a world no mother should ever have to see. But you were strong and so brave and just accepted everything that was around you. We were never apart you and I, from that day forward, we fought the diease together, our bond growing stronger everyday. There was light at the end of the tunner though, and finally after 6 long hard months the treatment was over and the battle was won, we could go home and be together as a family again. But our happiness was short lived and our world was left devestated once more when we were told the diease had returned. It broke my heart to see you in pain again, knowing I could do nothing about it, but Daddy was always there to bring a smile to your face and make you giggle.

My love for you is so strong and so over-powering that I never thought that anything could take you away from me, but I was wrong. on that fateful morning I knew your little body had taken enough and there would be no more suffereing for you my little one.

It tears me apart inside to know that i will never hold your hand, hear your sweet voice or kiss your soft little cheek again. I will miss the way you used to stroke my face and look up at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and who will tell me that they love me every day now?

I had you for such a short time but you made my life complete and filled it with such love and happiness. I cannot begin to describe the despair and pain I feel here without you. I love you more than life itself and feel as though part of me had died with you.

I will always have my beautiful memories of you, so sleep my beautiful angel. Wherever I am you will always be in my heart and my love for you will only grow stronger the longer we are apart.

Love to you always until the day I can hold you again my little man.

Love Mummy
xxxxx

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21st August 2006
Yet again, I am speechless, as we have had so many kind words and thoughts from many people in a similar situation. I know that the tributes/candels have helped the family get through hard times, as you never feel alone. It's Billy's birthday on Friday (25th August), and our (not so little now!) angel will be 9 years old. We miss you more and more with each passing day Billy, and think about you always.

Love all the family.
xxxxxxx

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19th April 2006
Would just like to say thank you to everyone for all your kind words and thoughts. It's so hard to lose a child, as when you love someone so much, you automatically think that this will be enough to protect them from everything. I am so honoured to have known Billy, and the love, courage and strength that he showed is a lesson to us all. May all our Angels rest in peace, until we meet them again.
Auntie Tor
xxxxxxx